I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
