Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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