They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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