I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
