At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
