Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
