I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
