she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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