What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
