No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
