remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
