I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
