and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
