oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
