apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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