I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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