The maid of honor just puked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
