Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
