k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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