finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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