Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
