thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i think my cat just said my name.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
