The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
