as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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