bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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