READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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