Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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