speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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