My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
