fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
