my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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