Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
