We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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