I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
