I look better un-naked...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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