My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think your dad took our porno
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
