I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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