so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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