hotel room ftw
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
