I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm lost and stupid without you.
how can u be prego again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i out mim tonsoeep
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