then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize