he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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