yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said her name was "party"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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