I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
