Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
