I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
barbara walters just said penis...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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