Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
