is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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