My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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