The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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