Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
