Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
