Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
