He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
