Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
