We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
