pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
why do cheetos always look like penises
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
