you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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