your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
