im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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