Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
