Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
