so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
