Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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