I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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