Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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