I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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