My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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